Early Morning Cry

Today was like an early morning cry kind of day. Like when you wake up and the first thing you do is cry. That used to be a routine for me. A habit almost. Realizing another day is to take place and the overwhelming and all encompassing strength it will take to get out of bed and get thru it all. So first a cry. I don’t do that much anymore.

pic credit: JLozier

It was like that today. It was a grey and gloomy day. It rained all day. I drove in that rain all day and listened to Billie Holiday . It was the right music to go with the mood. It almost made it like a soundtrack to a sad and dreary movie drama. I felt like I was in my own movie. A little bit of out of body experience today. I had to take some pictures as I drove.

I can’t help but get emotional when Billie sings. She embodied Heartbreak, every pore on her body oozed with heartbreak. She shared it with us in small doses of three, four and five minute songs. Just enough to always leave us wanting more.

Pic credit by google.

Here’s some of the songs that shattered me today.

“If the Moon turned green”

https://youtu.be/qqMMSY-VbXM

“You Better Go Now” was always one of my favorites.

https://r.be/wpB9nwhpv

“You’ve Changed”:

https://youtu.be/ir2eBab1KDE

Yeah it was a Billie Day. Gloomy Thursday. Everything I saw looked gloomy and with the back drop of Lady Day Singing everything was that much deeper.

Here is a picture of a Alter I took today in Paterson NJ. I call it ” Paterson Life” for obvious reasons. I was making up stories all day about this alter trying to fill in the blanks about why it was there and what young soul it was for. Very Sad ūüėĘ

pic credit : JLozier

Here is a picture I took today of a Red House with a graveyard peeping out the back. I wonder who lives there? Newark NJ

pic credit : JLozier

Here is a picture of a pair of birds on the waters edge, are they mates? I think so. Then a single black bird in flight while all his friends sit perched in the nearby tree filling in the bare branches. These two pictures were from Haverstraw, New York.

pic credit : JLozier

I’m not sure what the forecast calls for tomorrow but maybe the sun will be shining. One can hope but beauty and joy can be found in the gloomy days as well. There is beauty in the tears and heartbreak, in the solitude of lost souls that are no longer on this earth. In the naked cold wet earth and bare lines of nature before spring blooms. The beauty Is always all around us.

Love and Happiness

Jloz

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Autumn by the Sea

‚ÄúAutumn by the Sea is like a poem from a lover that is tucked in one‚Äôs pocket, forgotten but then found again at the perfect time. It makes us breath ….Again. ~ Jeanne Lozier

photo credits by jeanne lozier

New Hope

So I took a impromptu day trip to New Hope today with a friend and that town is so beautiful, especially at night. I met some really great shop owners and people and had a great time. The Tye Dye store had this cool couple and two dogs. The woman owner is a Melissa McCarthy clone. Everything she said was funny. I loved her and ¬†their dogs. They are expanding ¬†and opening a second store in Asbury Park. They do all their Tye Dye product in house. I wish them the best of luck.. ¬†These dogs were tired from a hard days wotk. I took a few pictures ¬†while I was walking around there and a few on my on my way there as well so I will share them with you here ¬†There is something about that town that comes alive when dusk falls. ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†EE274845-6435-4397-A9E6-CF05A48E9498¬†This picture of the shop of India really spoke to me so I took a picture. I don’t know why things speak to me but when they do it’s very clear. I walked into the sweetest bookstore and I meant to take a picture of that too but I didn’t. I got distracted by this adorable card of Billie Holiday and it comes with cute stickers as well. So cute. I got one for a friend.

Zora Neale Hurston was there too.

New Hope It is a town for lovers.  Friends too but when your there you can’t help but long to be with the one you love, especially when the Sun starts to melt. Once I stayed there years ago and I stayed in a little inn called the Logan Inn. The cool thing about the Logan Inn is it is haunted. Ghosts! Yes. Very cool.  I stayed in a room that was haunted and a ghost lived there. I never did see her. Her name is Emily, room 6. Doesn’t mean she wasn’t there. I would stay there again. Maybe I’ll get lucky next time.

On the way there I saw this adorable Hot Dog Stand, Johnny’s. It was so 1950’s and it was next to a babbling brook. Really sweet. I had to stop and take a few shots. Sometimes you drive into a spot or a place and it takes you back in time. It can be anything like a shady bend with a wooden billboard or a little motel with a shady maple and vintage Sign saying the same. When that happens it’s the closest thing to time travel I know. I told my friend I had to stop and take a few pictures. I’m used to getting the eye roll or why? but I don’t care lol.

This friend was cool though. She didn’t mind, I saw a bunch of Barns with horses and could have stopped all day but we had to get to our destination. It’s hard for me to see horses and not stop. They are so beautiful. I am still waiting to see my wild mustangs. Wild Mustangs, we will ride them some day. As we were walking around I spotted my girl. I always have to take a picture of her when I see her cause she also speaks to me. Always has. Hey Girl! I Love Marilyn. ūüíč. I put her in my super star tragic hero category. People like her, Prince, Michael Jackson, James Dean, Elvis, the super stars. They die young. It’s too much for their hearts and minds, the burden of such extreme fame. And in the end it leaves us with the sorrowful residue of their greatness.

Time to sign off. There will be a New Hope 2 blog coming soon. Until then.

Love and Happiness,

Jeanne

A Night at Legends- Chicago Bound

So on my way driving to Minneapolis I stopped off in Chicago. It has been about 25 Years since I’ve been back. I was going to go the same place I went last time I was in Chicago. I was headed over to Buddy Guy’S Legends. One of the best blues bars in the world owned by Chicago’s very own Legend, Buddy Guy. He has always been a blues hero for me. I was hoping he would be there, it was ten days before Christmas so he could very well be there. Good news he was! The last time I went to Legends 25 years ago he was there as well. Just standing against the wall. I didn’t even notice him until he smiled and then I saw his gold BG ring and I realized who he was. There was a private CD release party going on and I kind of crashed it.

Any Way the first time I went I had no camera but I stayed at this Russian owned hotel called the spa motel. Very cheap, very clean. I got to Legends, different location but Buddy’s Bar and I got to Chicago B.L.U.E.S and saw Son seals. I went to Kingston Mines and saw Magic Slim and the teardrops. I also went over to the historic Maxwell Street to soak in some Blues history. Here’s some vintage pictures of Maxwell Street. When I was on Maxwell Street is was like a glorified swap meet and I it was very cold so there were a lot of garbage cans fires burning strong.¬†

img_5635img_5634.jpgimg_5623-1img_5624

This time I didn’t have a lot of time but I made sure to spend a night at Legends. The staff was amazing, the wings were so good and the Buddy Guy Beer hit the spot after driving 500 miles. I saw three acts and then Buddy graced the stage with the Lindsey Alexander Band. It was super lucky to have met Buddy Guy and take this picture. I cannot express how much Joy I got from his music and performances.

http://www.buddyguy.com

The line up was:

LINSEY ALEXANDER w/ Dave Weld

Acoustic Set by Fruteland Jackson. I loved him. 

All the shows were so great. I wish I had got more pictures of the second act. I must have been talking. Met some great folks there that night. 

Here are some pictures of the night.

Damn Right I got the Blues!

 

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For those that don’t have Java I posted the pictures in two different ways.

“They say the blues is sad, but when B.B. sings ‘I got a sweet little angel, I love the way she spreads her wings,’ that don’t sound too sad to me!”

—¬†Buddy Guy

“I’ve never missed a gig yet. Music makes people happy, and that’s why I go on doing it – I like to see everybody smile.”

—¬†Buddy Guy

“Listen to the lyrics – we’re singing about everyday life: rich people trying to keep money, poor people tying to get it, and everyone having trouble with their husband or wife!”

—¬†Buddy Guy

Thanks for giving us the Blues Buddy and making us SMILE. We Love you!

Love and Happiness

Jloz

Two Women in Town

The other night I stopped to get some beverages at the local convenience store and two women decided that they wanted to start a fight with me.¬†They kind of parked behind me and waited for me to come out so they could start some stuff. Whatever.¬†They said something to me and¬†seriously I was like really, were doing this?¬† I didn’t fight back, I blew it off but I wasn’t in the mood for their ¬†bullshit. ¬†I have never done anything cruel to anyone in my hometown but for some reason there is some serious hate coming my way. It is fine…I can handle it but you have to wonder why?

Now these two women didn’t say much but it was¬†more about¬†the way they insulted me¬† ..¬†like they actually knew me. I didn’t know them. How dare them!. My anger grew as the night went on. Then I thought to myself how easy it would be to fight back and just maybe make a tragic mistake that could affect me and them for the rest our lives. That’s how it happens. It can be that quick. I am not a confrontational person and I am a non-violent person. I know myself. But they better watch out because you can start a fight with the wrong¬†person and well..you never know. You here about Road rage all the time.

I always wondered how someone could get to that point where they would actually cross that line.  I would never kill anything or anyone but the anger I felt in that minute gave me the insight, I mean I would never hurt anyone intentionally,  I will always take the highroad and walk away but I am ashamed to say I fantasized about taking a knife and stabbing those two women in the neck.

Now it was just a harmless fantasy but it made me think about people and  how someone could lose themselves if enough shit happens to them over their lifetime. I remember thinking that no matter how hard I tried or how kind I was to people bad things kept happening to me.

Now there is a lot of great stuff happening too so I am so grateful for that.  I have now learned how to ignore the negative stuff and will not let it affect me anymore. My hard work has paid off and I know I am where I want to be. I was angry but I let it go fast.

I refuse to let it affect me anymore.

Every time I watch Dateline I sit there and wonder ..how the hell could she kill her husband like that or how could he kill his best friend like that? You know, it was always inconceivable for me.

I’ve thought about this often. It fascinates me and frightens me at the same time. The human condition I guess and how easily a life can change over one bad decision.

After I saw Eugene Oneill’s Play, Hughie, on Broadway¬†I was reminded how much I love his work. I was always attracted to his¬†plays because he wrote about people on the edge. The depressed, the addicted , the night people. The darkness of his work and the darkness¬†of his own life always kept my interest. I went back and read some of his plays recently.¬†I re-read¬†his most popular play Long’s Day’s Journey into Night.¬† I even love that title and completely understand it.. There was a quote in that movie that I was familiar with but I think for the first time I really understood it to the fullest of its meaning.

‚ÄúNone of us can help the things life has done to us. They‚Äôre done before you realize it, and once they‚Äôre done they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you‚Äôd like to be, and you‚Äôve lost your true self forever.‚ÄĚ
‚Äē Eugene O’Neill, Long Day’s Journey Into Night¬†¬†¬†

The saddest 48 words ever¬†spoke in my opinion¬†…. but nothing could be truer. I know this happens to a lot of¬†people and they have no idea how it happened.¬†It’s like a rolling avalanche, once it starts moving you can’t stop it and it keeps destroying¬†everything¬†in its path. That very thing almost happened to me; losing yourself forever;¬†but¬†a little luck, strength, resilience and resistance¬†was the key for me and so I was saved. I remember thinking how did I get here? This isn’t who I am.¬†For some there is a turning point and they are saved, for others there is a turning point of no return. My heart breaks¬†for the latter.

I understand how easy it is to end up there.  The unfortunates in the world, prone to addiction or mental illness or violence or bad luck.

Maybe they were born poor or have no family. Maybe they were abused and cast out into the night. Maybe they just made one bad decision. Maybe they trusted the wrong person. Some people have to pay for that one bad decision for the rest of their life.

That breaks my heart. I can’t help but think about them. It reminds me of a movie¬† I love called¬†Two Men In Town.

It takes place in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

I think it’s a great movie with a powerful message. Forest Whitaker and Harvey Keitel are reunited again in this film, whenever they work together poetry happens.

I loved them both in the movie Smoke. Harvey Keitel was a¬†cigar shop owner and a Poet in his spare time. He took a¬†photograph of the corner where his store was located¬†every day at the exact same time of the day, every day. ¬†He¬†kept a photo album of his life’s work. I loved that. So Poetic. Great Movie.

Anyway in Two Men in Town Forest’s character (William Garnet) was a murderer who got out of prison after 18 years of serving his¬†sentence.

He was¬†model inmate that tried very hard to control his anger and become a peaceful person. Forest Whitaker was incredible in this movie by the way. I saw it when it first came out but watched it again¬†recently….a few times. I know I’m a super fan but no one can deny the brilliance of his performance in this movie. There was also this bad ass parole officer¬†Emily Smith…I loved her in this film. Imagine this scene..so she sits listening to¬†I think , Edith Piaf, ¬†¬†while cleaning her guns in the desert night under the stars. That was probably a nod to the French Director; Rachid Bouchareb¬†in this movie.

That scene sets the precedent for the whole film. Dark vs. Light, Good vs. Evil, Love vs. Hate, Beauty Vs. Beast. She was the female heroine trying to help Garnet through the whole movie. A tough but fair ethical parole officer with a heart. Brenda Blethyn was the actress. I also loved her in the movie Secrets and Lies; another great movie. She is an incredible actress.  So like I said, the movie takes place in Albuquerque New Mexico. Some scenes are breathtaking while others are just dust and ashes.

Walls and Borders are a big part of this movie too; geographical borders and emotional borders.

After Garnet served his¬†18 years¬†sentence the sheriff (Harvey Keitel) in town wouldn’t let¬†Garnet alone. He had an old score to settle with Garnet¬†and had no forgiveness¬†towards him.¬†The¬†sheriff¬†kept harassing him, and no matter how hard¬†Garnet tried to turn his life around¬†Agati¬†( Keitel) was there to derail him every time.

Every step forward was a step back. The heartbreaking scene between Garnet¬†and his adoptive mother (Ellen Burstyn) is heart wrenching. While she speaks with¬†a¬†almost detached¬†and disappointed voice about a scorpion that was loose in the house (symbolism) I understood Garnet’s frustration because he just wanted his mother’s love; love she couldn’t afford to give.

This movie makes a huge statement about redemption over a Dark Past¬†and ¬†working¬†toward New Beginnings. It seems we don’t like to let people have new beginnings. We don’t like to let people forget their past. For example; We don’t let prisoners have a second chance in this country. We let them out with no money and let them fend for themselves. It’s tragic on so¬†many levels because so many prisoners are locked away too long and the crime doesn’t fit the punishment in the first place. It seems to be getting even worse in this country . People are going to Jail for thirty years for minor Crimes because of Corrupt judicial system. Three strikes your out? There is Big Business in putting folks in prison now a days. The increasing stats are overwhelming. ¬†It is very sad and unjust.¬†The song Let my people go comes to mind, Paul Robeson https://youtu.be/gtLcELU1brA

There is a lot of symbolism in this movie as Garnet washes his hands of the past. Not letting someone start again, and live their life is a sin. You can watch the movie and no matter what your beliefs are about prisoners and murder you have to appreciate this well-acted story about new beginnings, redemption, and the tug of war between good and evil.

So..when those two women in town started with me at the convenience store it reminded me of a fight¬†I got in when¬†I was about ten years old. Now that I am back in my home town¬†I am reminded of childhood memories. You can’t help it, there are reminders everywhere. So I was ten and me and my best friend were walking down to the same store that¬†I was just talking about. It had just snowed and my friend had a snow pants on. I was dressed in jeans, These two girls, older but still girls, bullies, started to make fun of my friend in the snow pants. Back then¬†snow pants weren’t cool at all. lol.

Well I thought it was important to protect my friend ( I¬†am very loyal)¬†so¬†I told them to stop and to leave us alone. Well because¬†I spoke out they decided to turn their attention to me and¬† left my friend alone. They then started to jump me and I remember them slamming my face down into the snow and punched me a couple of times. I heard my friend start to cry ¬†because she got scared because she saw blood. My nose started to bleed and there were little rivers of blood oozing into the snow…like a bloody snow cone. The two girls saw the blood and they got scared as well and ran off. I still know one of the girls names. I ended up working with her at a restaurant when¬†I was sixteen and she played on the same softball team as well, she picked on me there too but decided after a while that she liked me and left me alone. God, I couldn’t get away from her.

The other night when those two women in town started fighting with me in that parking lot it reminded me of that day in the snow,¬†I was ten again and I had a bloody nose. The snow was red and my face was covered in ice. Its funny the things we hold onto. I could have fought back or even went further and caused physical harm. My life could be changed in an instant. So when I got home¬†I decided to write some words down to shake off the anger¬†I was feeling, first¬†I vented to my friend, god bless her…and then wrote a poem about how¬†I feel about some of the people¬†I have come across recently. Anger is something¬†I’ve had to¬†deal with and try to minimize. It has¬†been a work in progress but I¬†think I have mastered¬†it. I am sick of being accused of things¬†I never did. I am sick of being mistreated.¬†I am sick of being patronized and ¬†I am sick of being misunderstood but¬†I know how lucky¬†I am to be here to write, love,¬†work¬†, sing and laugh. I am making¬†my comeback. My turning point was in the direction of up; not down and¬†I am so grateful for that. Don’t look back don’t look back don’t look back, only forward. The ten-year old is now fifty looking forward to love and light. Your perceptions of me cannot and does not matter anymore. I am only feeling the love coming towards me, the rest will be ignored, no more anger, no more violent fantasies.. only love and light. I can no longer care about the big hoofed herds and their opinions of me. They are wrong but¬†I know longer need their approval. I¬†will only let the light come in. I have washed my hands of the past, scrubbed them clean.

Blue-Collar Asylum

 

Small town Small minds Mean Bastard Bigots of all the same kind.
Can’t wait to leave, don’t want to stay, born here but not from here, always on my way. Gossips liars and fakes walk the streets in big hoofed herds. Spreading their truth ,¬†their so¬†called motherfucking righteous gospel word.
They act high-superior while their insides slow—ly die.

Living their Inauthentic miserable cookie cutter lives.
They Sound the same Look the same …Smoke their Marlboro cigs.
High School, Marry, Buy a house2.5 kids.
Drink your Beer, Vote for Trump, Drink the worm at the bottom of the Rum
I need To leave, I can’t breathe here, it’s a small town Blue-Collar Asy-lum.

 

Jloz.

Greetings from Atlantic City!

So I had a very busy summer making up for lost time. I was sunning myself on the South Jersey Shores, mostly Asbury Park, but made a few stops in Ocean Grove, Cape May and for only the second time in my whole life Atlantic City! Now I must say I am not really attracted to Atlantic City or Las Vegas or any of that glitzy gambling scene kind of¬†thing. Just not my thing but I will enjoy going anywhere different just for the change of scenery. I can have fun anywhere…especially with a camera in hand. People watching and beaches is enough to make this Jersey Girl very happy and if you add a Mojito or Cold Beer; well even happier. So I went to AC because my¬†buddy¬†Frances wanted to go so off we went. This was her thing more than mine but like I said I can have fun anywhere. My friend is a New Yorker, a Manhattanite so just being able to get in a car and take off and drive anywhere is a luxury she didn’t have so I am having fun showing her how we roll Jersey style. The last time I went to Atlantic City I was 16 years old and we came down to play basketball against a Atlantic City girls highschool team. Yeah, I snuck in to the casino and we had some laughs, ate some white house subs and drank free drinks in the Harrah Casinos. We were sixteen and it was a big deal. I still remember it.That was the last time I stepped foot in AC. So now we are back. Driving into Atlantic City was like driving into the Emerald City, there wasn’t any traffic and all I saw were all these huge hotels and casinos ahead. I guess we are off to see the Wizard.

When we were there it was a really great time to be there, it was still hot but it was off-season so no crowds. The first thing that happened when we pulled up to the parking lot of The Resorts was this nice couple started telling us about the history of the The Resorts; the “Spooky Haunted History”¬† They said that the hotel used to be a hospital for the War Veterans and that the Morgue is still in the basement of the Resort’s Hotel. They also said that the ghost of the war vets are seen walking up and down the halls of the hotel and the boardwalk occasionally.¬†The old part of the Resorts hotel¬† looks like an old hospital and the other part is a beautiful Art Deco Building; I¬†liked it. It didn’t have a glamorous over the top look to it like some of the other hotels had but I liked the vintage vibe. So that was a fun little tidbit of information. Especially for my friend who is obsessed with haunts and scary things that go bump bump in the night. I thought to myself; how perfect and how did they know that Frances would love a good Morgue Story! So now she is hoping we run into war veteran ghosts¬†and as ¬†we are off to check in she has an extra little spring in her step. She loves ghosts!

Here’s an article I found about just that thing they were talking about.¬†The Ghosts and Stuff. ¬†http://scoblete.casinocitytimes.com/article/the-ghosts-of-atlantic-citys-resorts-hotel-57722.

We walked up and down the boardwalk a few times as soon as we got there and met some friends. First we met lots of cats along the way; you will see them in the photos. They have a great program where they catch the cats and then neuter them and then release them and feed them at specific times so they have a normal feeding schedule. Very cool. http://www.alleycat.org/

So my friend wanted to ride in¬†one of those carts on the boardwalk, I couldn’t think of anything¬†I wanted to do less but she wanted to do it so we did. Our “driver” was a central European man who¬†taught me some words in Hungarian and in the meantime¬†offered me his hand in marriage. (wink) and told me he¬†had 300,000 dollars stuffed in his mattress. I believed him. By the way; he¬†was already married.¬†Then we ran into Singing Annie, a lady who was singing gospel songs on the boardwalk so we stopped and sang a few bars of “This little light of mine”; not sure if I was a mark or not with little Annie but I didn’t really care, I gave her a few bucks, sang a few notes and moved on. Then we met a Charles, a very nice man,¬†United States¬†Vet who was selling Greeting cards that he had made by hand. He was really happy to show me what he had made and how he had made the cards. He is selling¬†greeting cards on the boardwalk so next time you need a birthday card skip Hallmark and make a vet’s day instead. Everywhere I looked I saw messages of inspiration, billboards that talked about Fun times ahead and John Wayne telling me¬†He don’t¬†much like¬†quitters. Inspiration is everywhere, even in Atlantic City where signs of sin, greed, excess¬†and hard times¬†are seeping thru the daylight waiting to¬†show¬†its full¬†fangs¬†when night¬†arrives. After a short ride to meet Lucy the elephant in Margate and¬†grab a sub at Whitehouse Subs for old-time sake it was time to go. By the time we left we had walked miles and miles on the boardwalk, day and night;¬†hit the outlets;¬†drank some margaritas, played some slots, hung out inside an elephant, visited the Whitehouse, met some friends, two-legged and four-legged!¬† We had a blast. To be honest I didn’t see any ghosts but it doesn’t mean they weren’t there.

Love and Happiness

Jloz

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