Sometimes first times are “Simply Beautiful”

Even since I moved back to my childhood home I have noticed some things for the first time. The way the sun hits the blue glass at different times during the day and makes different color rainbows. Or how small my bedroom was when I was five. I remember there was a small bed and my dad made me a little desk out of plywood that hung from two wires and you could pull it down to use it but when you weren’t using it you could push it against the wall . It was a space saver. He was a smart guy that way. I find little notes around the house with his handwriting on it. Old bills and stuff. He wrote in this little block lettering like how Engineers write. All CAPS. I can’t throw them away and I am sure my mom can’t either. I remember stairs going down to the basement and now it’s just a closet… I like the stairs, it was like a secret doorway. Wish it was still there. They needed the closet space so they took the stairs out. On this closet door in the back hallway off the kitchen there is this little door knob. It’s a face of a lion. I never noticed that before. That’s weird to me.

I was taking a shower and for the first time ever I realized I can see the Sun Set while I take a shower if I just pull down the top shade. It was “Simply Beautiful”

Sometimes beautiful things are not that far away .. you just have to figure out a way to see them.

I have to remember that. I left you with a beautiful song in honor of Mr. Al Green’s Birthday today. Friday the 13th.

It’s called Simply Beautiful and that it is.

Love and Happiness,

JLoz.

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Today is #worldbipolarday2018 . Bless all my brothers and sisters that live with hope and strength and fight stigma on a daily basis. Let’s sparkle in 2018. 💛 I’ve been missing some people that I love lately and I realize they are always with me in some way ; I always have their wisdom in my heart. My dad has been gone for about 12 years now and sometimes I struggle with not being able to ask him for advice or just listen to his beautiful voice or watch him in his beautiful glory. The way he influenced people and helped people by just being him. He left me with the heart I need to carry on with out him. That’s the strength I carry. I love all my ghosts and angels. Always Stay ⭐️✨#bipolarstrong.

I Carry your heart with me.

img_7631One of my favorite poems, although I know it’s a popular one. I cannot help but love it anyway. I can’t always love the obscure, sometimes things are popular for good reason. Other times not so much. The light from the moon and the tides from the expansive sea are part of me and with out them I wouldn’t be me. To be liquescent & inhale Illumination; it is good for our souls.

. I Carry Your Heart With Me
By e. e. cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

ee cummings

The Future King -New Orleans Photographer -David Mora

I love to take pictures and use photography as a creative release and a fun side hobby. I am always learning. I have a lot of fun looking at different photographers work, old and new. I came across David Mora on twitter. He is always posting photos of my favorite place, New Orleans daily. I started really looking forward to his photos and was blown away with his work and his view of one of my favorite cities. I would love to share some of his photos here. I asked him if he was being paid by the city of New Orleans to do this and he said no I’m on my own. Wow.

He is great at celebrating and you can tell he is a true New Orleanian. He is truly a Future King. If you want to be inspired daily check out his website. His photos bring me constant joy and reminds me how much I miss New Orleans. I hope you enjoy his photos as much as I do. Here are some below.

 

 

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The Rain Puddle

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The Lakefront

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Christmas Gingerbread at the Sheraton Nola – how fun!

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Christmas Gingerbread at the Sheraton Nola – how fun!

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Springtime in the French Quarter

 

His website is http://about.me/davidnola

His twitter https://Twitter.comdavidmora

 

Love and Happiness

Jloz

Soccer & My Field of Dreams

I have been thinking recently about some tough times in high school. I never really fit in; I never really understood why. I was tortured by it really.  I never spoke about it. I just tried to keep busy. I sang in choirs and bands and played a lot of sports. I never knew why I didn’t fit in; I just didn’t. Now I  realize why but back then I didn’t know. I had friends but I was really shy and just wasn’t on the same level as most of the other kids.

I was always worried and scared and well just different. My interests didn’t jive with anyone else or any of my friends and that felt like a lonely place. If it wasn’t for sports I don’t think I would have done as well as I had. Well, I take that back, I know I wouldn’t have.

Especially Soccer. I was good at it. I never even played soccer until freshman year in high school. Me and some friends kind of joined on a whim to get in shape for basketball. I ended up doing better in soccer. We were a brand new team. Our town didn’t have soccer teams when we were coming up so it was all new to us. No one wanted to play goalie and I said, shit, I’ll do it. I mean I already knew how to catch and I knew I could jump and dive. I just had to learn about the game and the angles. Goal keeping is all about cutting down those Angles. Since our team was so new and a lot of the teams in the wealthier surrounding towns had been playing for a while we got our asses kicked. Great for me because I saw a lot of action in the goal and I got good.  It was a soccer for dummies crash course. I mean we would lose 20 – 0 and I still had like 120 saves. I was beaten and bruised; so much so that I got called down to the counselors office because they thought I was being beaten. I was like no …I’m just on the soccer team.

My general practitioner would examine me and after  seeing my bruises he didn’t let his own daughter play soccer in school. I tried to explain it was unusual circumstances, I was a goalie on a very young team. I had bruises that were as big as my whole shin. Literally people would try to take me out or break my leg. We were undefeated on my college team and that was no joke. There was all sorts of under-handed stuff that happened out there. Some teams were classy. Others .. not so much. I was always in pain but it was ok.

There was something about soccer,  I liked it a lot. I loved basketball too but I wasn’t as successful at that. It made me take my mind off my problems. It got me thru. I would be running around , kicking, diving  on that soccer field and it made things feel possible again.

I was really happy when I decided to play soccer in college and found a school that wanted me. I found a few actually. I even got into UMASS and they were NO. 1 in the country in womans soccer but I chose to go to a smaller school. Looking back I probably made the wrong decision but UMASS was so big and scary to me back them. In college I was on a completely different kind of team than high-school. They were undefeated and they were very good and I might only have one shot and one save the whole game. That was a mental warfare.  It takes tenacity and Mental stamina to be a goalie. You had to stay focused and you had to save that one shot because if you didn’t you could lose and that was not an option. I felt alive in that goal. I felt alive as soon as I put those goalie gloves on. I can tell you that going to college didn’t change anything about feeling different. I always felt like I didn’t fit in but soccer was everything for me at the time and somehow it got me feeling more centered like maybe I could finally fit in.

When we would practice we would do this thing where the team would just take continuous shots at me one after the other. That was pure adrenaline. Diving, getting up, diving again. It was great. I remember one practice we were doing that and I just started sobbing in the middle of the drill. I just stood there crying and my team-mates were just looking at me. They thought I was hurt. I wasn’t, not the way they thought.. I just told them to give me a minute.

They all looked so confused as I sat there and sobbed; my coach was like what’s wrong? Sometimes that happens.  A wave of emotion comes over you and you can’t submerge it,  it comes unexpected; deep pit in your stomach, moves up to your throat and then … there it is. Without any warning.

Dark feelings, depression, learning problems and social problems would overwhelm me at times and I didn’t know what to do about it. That soccer field was my saving grace.  After games I would run around the field or late at night I would go out there and run three or four miles.  I  didn’t run as much as my team-mates being the goalie so many times I would run after practice or after games; whatever. I felt like a bad -ass queen when I was in that goal. I loved that game. I loved that field. During the day in between classes I would go to the field and get some sun. Listen to some music. Put some Robert Cray on the boom box and chill. I got some dark tans in New Hampshire on that field.  Because I was on the soccer team I got to be in a apartment building  that was really for upper classman but I got in because I was a soccer player so my apartment was like 10 feet from the soccer field and everything else you needed. There were some perks for being a soccer player.

When I got out of college I said to my self, what am I going to do without my soccer team and my soccer field. What am I going to do? I knew that soccer helped me with whatever was going on with me. With that deep depression and I was worried because I knew it would get worse and it did. I didn’t know a lot about my feelings back then but I knew enough to know that.

After college I would go to the gym and do other activities but nothing compared to running on that grass and kicking and diving and running and competing in such a way that made me feel alive. At that time when I was on that field in that goal with my team  I felt like I finally fit in. I was the captain of my ship. For three hours I felt like there is where I am supposed to be and all was ok. I was part of a team and I loved them. When I was thinking about that game I didn’t have time for intrusive thoughts and if they did come they didn’t stay as long. After we won and we always did …that adrenaline kept me RIGHT until the next practice or game.

Whenever I would lose my way and I still do at times; I would think of that soccer field and the sun on my face and the fresh air and think how can I find that again. The feeling of being alive and in the moment of competition; focused on my team mates and that game. Damn I miss that.

I dream of soccer still, sometimes I wake up and my heart is racing and it’s another soccer dream. As life changes and we grow and get older things change and adult stuff happens. Sometimes staying balanced can get difficult. It’s easy to lose our way.

As long as I can always find “my field” it helps me thru, what’s your field?

Love and Happiness,

Jloz

A Night at the legendary Apollo- An evening of Respect

So my concert buddy was kind enough to take me to see the Otis Redding Tribute at the Apollo Theater. The line up was great. The Dap Kings, Warren Hayes, Aloe Black, Steve Cropper , Marcus King, Nikka Costa Family members of the Otis Redding Family and a lot of great soul singers. Whoopi Goldberg was supposed to MC but she came down with the flu. Great Time. I have walked by the theatre many times but never went inside. It was a very fun night and love checking stuff off my bucket list. Otis Redding was always such a inspiration. RESPECT.

Love and Happiness,

Jloz

A Night at Legends- Chicago Bound

So on my way driving to Minneapolis I stopped off in Chicago. It has been about 25 Years since I’ve been back. I was going to go the same place I went last time I was in Chicago. I was headed over to Buddy Guy’S Legends. One of the best blues bars in the world owned by Chicago’s very own Legend, Buddy Guy. He has always been a blues hero for me. I was hoping he would be there, it was ten days before Christmas so he could very well be there. Good news he was! The last time I went to Legends 25 years ago he was there as well. Just standing against the wall. I didn’t even notice him until he smiled and then I saw his gold BG ring and I realized who he was. There was a private CD release party going on and I kind of crashed it.

Any Way the first time I went I had no camera but I stayed at this Russian owned hotel called the spa motel. Very cheap, very clean. I got to Legends, different location but Buddy’s Bar and I got to Chicago B.L.U.E.S and saw Son seals. I went to Kingston Mines and saw Magic Slim and the teardrops. I also went over to the historic Maxwell Street to soak in some Blues history. Here’s some vintage pictures of Maxwell Street. When I was on Maxwell Street is was like a glorified swap meet and I it was very cold so there were a lot of garbage cans fires burning strong. 

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This time I didn’t have a lot of time but I made sure to spend a night at Legends. The staff was amazing, the wings were so good and the Buddy Guy Beer hit the spot after driving 500 miles. I saw three acts and then Buddy graced the stage with the Lindsey Alexander Band. It was super lucky to have met Buddy Guy and take this picture. I cannot express how much Joy I got from his music and performances.

http://www.buddyguy.com

The line up was:

LINSEY ALEXANDER w/ Dave Weld

Acoustic Set by Fruteland Jackson. I loved him. 

All the shows were so great. I wish I had got more pictures of the second act. I must have been talking. Met some great folks there that night. 

Here are some pictures of the night.

Damn Right I got the Blues!

 

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For those that don’t have Java I posted the pictures in two different ways.

“They say the blues is sad, but when B.B. sings ‘I got a sweet little angel, I love the way she spreads her wings,’ that don’t sound too sad to me!”

— Buddy Guy

“I’ve never missed a gig yet. Music makes people happy, and that’s why I go on doing it – I like to see everybody smile.”

— Buddy Guy

“Listen to the lyrics – we’re singing about everyday life: rich people trying to keep money, poor people tying to get it, and everyone having trouble with their husband or wife!”

— Buddy Guy

Thanks for giving us the Blues Buddy and making us SMILE. We Love you!

Love and Happiness

Jloz